Just because your husband thinks it is ok to have sex while you are separated does not mean you have to agree it is ok. I also dont want to lose my husband and I cant have them both. I cant figure out why Im doing this to my marriage- and to my coworkers marriage. In addition to that Ive recently been seeing someone who I feel understands me so much better. After experiencing a breakup, many people look for affirmation from new sources, particularly in the form of physical touch or connection. The best thing would be to limit the amount of contact you have with your childs father. Since she wants to sleep with someone else, she may well do it with or without your consent, and most would agree that we would instead not be kept in the dark. Ask yourself what you would do if he actually did cheat on you? I feel as though he sees me as an object. The alternative is, if you do feel you want to work at this and you do have interest to still pursue the partner, we have various options on how to move forward. I both want it and dont want it. First and foremost, I want you to know that you are not alone. Also to add, i never had any abusive relation with my wife, we still have very good time, laugh and care for each other, just that i have lost interest in physical relation with her. Though weve both promised not to destroy our marriages but we simply cannot stop loving each. Anyway, about two months ago I had a job interview. He lives far away but I have never felt closer. I had a long talk with the mother of my kids and we settled out our differences and we talked about whether we were still in love with eachother after 20years of being apart and come to find out we both are. Do I need a certain amount of time on my own to heal from past love, is it fair to heal and be with someone new? Your email address will not be published. Physical touch is quite straight forward and we all know that it is a powerful way to communicate your love for someone. Might be better to keep this to yourself for now. However, if it comes that someday you end up divorcing, and there is a custody battle, this could be used against either your wife or the person involved. I like to be pampered nd he doesnt have time to pamper me, we dont go out for clubbing and thats one of the activities i like to do for fun, he doesnt allow me to put on the kind of clothes i like, we actually do not agree in so many things i feel like he tried so much to change who i am in the past nd that makes me to kinda hide my true personality from him. Now have a daughter whos just months old. We met eachother when we were really young. To start with, let's explore some of the 'not-so-kosher' reasons why your wife would want you to sleep with someone else. Honestly, my husband is a good man. For 4 months now, ive developed a feeling for someone i havent even met personally. We shared our feelings of late a year ago what we have been feeling and missing for more than a decade now. If you aremarried and have fallen in love with someone else, it is crucial that you are very honest with yourself from here on out. You are currently in an abusive relationship and there is help available. I have kids by another woman which I and before we met. about it, and whether you truly believe that this is the person for you. During that time, we have each had some feelings for each other at some time or another, but neither of us really mentioned it. I want more. Being aware of this this how you can begin to mend the problems in your relationship. He said that he he kisses my picture every night before going to bed all these years. Which makes this all the more difficult. I have been married for 17 year and my wife is a lovely lady. Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash. I have been married for 25 years to my best friend. We got married seven years ago and now have two sons, ages 4 and nearly 2. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. We also have a 2 year old. What is this connection that I still have with her and how can I get to a place where I dont think about her everyday? Im married and I want to sleep with someone else, By entering this site you declare I have been married for 4 years now with 2kids. I dont agree with only doing it for the children. Obviously, you have some reservations on this topic, and it is evidently bothering you to some degree. I am at the point where i dont wanna try anymore. It is not a crime to have a friendship wiht your ex-partner you will just need to find a balance. I want the marriage to work because of all the financial implications and I still care for him. People can sometimes wind up in very tricky situations with complex emotions, and it can be very hard to determine how exactly to react. In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. I fell in love with my roomate(best friend) and I am married. His father just passed away and he is broken. Also my libido is a lot higher then his, I love to experiment and try new things. There are many details to every story and it would be our pleasure to help you find the path that makes you happiest in the longrun. To work with us, just click here! Weve been married for 11 years and together for 13 years. And that the two of you are still the ones for each other regardless of your sex lives. And then i met this guy, online from another country. All Rights Reserved. Instead of condemning people, lets try to understand them. He changed my perspective on everything. Why Doesnt My Father Love Me? He says he loves me but he is in love with her. If you are confident that this will be a good thing, though, and the two of you have dissected and discussed the matter thoroughly, then just try to enjoy the fact that your wife will experience something that she will hopefully be happy for. What exactly are you receiving from this new person that you are not receiving from your husband or your wife? But still I stayed because I was now pregnant with our 3rd daughter. To work with us, just click here! He knows i am married but he knows my situation. This means that it needs to be nurtured in order to be kept alive. . Reinforce Your Love and Intimacy With Her Intimacy and emotions go hand in hand. Ive known this lady for the last 4 years (weve Im happily-married but am missing something. My marriage has its problems, but overall, my husband is wonderful. Welcome to my current life My wife wants me to sleep with someone else Yes, you read that right. Dear Happily Committed. No spam, notifications only about news, events and updates. I have not lived my spouse for about 6 years. Because of the nature of the topic, some columns contain language some readers may find graphic. The heart is a definitely complicated thing. In their law separation will affect their children very badly not only emotionally but economically. That said, if you truly want this marriage to survive and you think, I am in love with you or I truly want to fall back in love with you when you look at your spouse, then I want you to know that there are plenty of things that you can do to restore the bond between you. The flame and the complicity between the two people were not being nurtured so the person who sought comfort outside of the relationship felt like they needed something that they werent receiving inside the relationship. I need physical touch, words of affirmation, and my Husband is the complete opposite. I know nothing about this woman..not her name how she looks..nothingand there is no way I would ever have any sort of relationship with her because she knew he was married and still pursued him and broke my family apart. She sais she loves me, but she cant decide what to do, because the love for him is also strong or so she thinks. And this one really helped. He insists on me proving myself that I would do anything to find a solution to take card of the kids and so far it is nothing but us faking we are good by allowing myself to kiss him and hug him in front of the kids knowing I dont want to at all. com for hes a GOD on earth. So if youve chosen to restore your relationship with your spouse, lets take a look some of the most powerful tools that you can start implementing today! "We slept together once a week for about a year. My husband is a nice man, a good father. victor high rise adjustable stand up desk-> principles of african ethics-> incapacitating strike eso-> married but want to sleep with someone else donut operator skate shop January 26, 2022 0 Comment Do I let him come home and just let time Continue with Recommended Cookies. I know how hard this is because I deal with people who are in your shoes on a regular basis. On top of that my children seem to be extremely distant from me and always want to leave with their father when he threatens to take my car and leave. He is in every sense my best friend because we do everything together, well we did until his GF. If you choose to pursue a relationship with the person youve been having an affair with, how is that going to affect their life positively and how is that going to affect their life negatively? No one else would put up with me like he does. To access it, just click here. What would your parents think? Wishing you all the best in life and love. Hi there, you will have to make a choice to focus on one relationship. Theyre just our psychological responses to the events that are taking place around us. I think about it and then I feel horrible then I began to get turned on by the thought of being with someone else. She really wants it. And everytime the hubby comes home, i drop everything i do and pretend im a good mother to his children, but not a good wife to him since i dont do the responsibilities that a wife does to her spouse. Yet I cant divorce my husband due to social stigma and potential effect on the children for not being with their biological dad. Hi Madhuri, please dont hesitate to reach out for coaching if youd like one on one help! It was never his fault. I cry more often I am completely depressed. Sometimes this happens because people get lazy and too comfortable in the relationship, but other times it happens because things have been going downhill in the relationship for quite some time. I feel things that I never thought I could feel again. To work with us, just click here. How did this happen? Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching if you would like our help. Only you can make that decision. She still contacts him. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. Adrian* and Michelle* have been together for over a decade. Hello am married but fallen for another man he has been my friend ifeel too much love for him also feel love for my husband whom we have spent three years with him and I love him.i have tried to let it go but it hurts .what can I do the feeling are too high for me to handle. Been married for over 20 years and now I made an emotional connection with a guy from 25 years ago. Almost the same situation as you. We have always had what I thought was a good relationship. Last night, i told him i have to get off for a while with my online life since the hubby is coming home to stay for a week before he leaves again. But is it my fault then? If youre not happy with your spouse and you tried everything to make it work, then who are you fooling? And last night, my guy told me, he just wants me to be honest with myself and to not let other people treat me as a doormat and put myself first. Take this quick quiz to see if you can save your relationship, or more importantly, if you should Take this quick quiz to find out where you stand 2019 Happily Committed, LLC. We are happy but I still have those feelings for the other person. The problem started around a year back when i felt like emotionally attached to that friend and it grew stronger and stronger everyday. I moved my children to Florida with their grandparents and told him I was done with the relationship that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do. Also, wanting variety doesn't mean you don't love the person you do. But my best friend, who I was in love with since I was 15 has been a constant in my life for years. Hi Holly, But we are not at one page at all. His timing sure sucks and he did say that whatever I decide, he would be fine with. But it involves a lot of individual therapy and anti depressants. In addition to this, I often see people making excuses. Do you have any tools available on how one can sum up enough willpower to cut your lover out of your life if youve chosen to work on your marriage? 1. In our busy lives, many people dont feel like they get to spend enough time with their partners, and this is especially important for those of us whose love language is quality time. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I really hate my life. Incidentally, hes also married. Identifying what brought distance into your marriage is going to give you a clear road map as to how to fix this, if that is what you truly want. Sorry for my bad English.. Im Dutch. By working with you one on one, we can define an action plan that is tialormade for your circumstance. Someone once told me something very interesting. Could you please extend them a little from next time? Every single thing that we do in life has both long-term and short-term consequences. My husband and I have full custody but allow him to see baby 1 time a week. That way, we can ask you targetted questions that can help you define the right steps to take. I could easily have sex multiple times a day. My husband and I have been slowly falling out of love for years now. I tell my wife and myself I dont still love her, but if I was honest with myself, I sometimes think I do and miss her. I decided at that point after a 2hr pnico/anxiety attack that I couldnt take it anymore. I ended up marrying someone else, and it was after this that we actually became close friends. Theyre very convincing and will definitely work. For some of you, you might be feeling like you are in love with two people at the same time, and others of you might feel that you dont feel anything for your spouse anymore. Hi: Ive been married for 25 years, very unhappy for the past 17 years. When I talk to her she give a me this feeling like when we were together and she knows everything about me because we were friends before lovers. The aftermath of a breakup and getting back in touch with yourself takes time, and its important to take this time to focus on your personal wellbeing, tranform your life into what you want it to be, and ensure that you are able to be 100% responsible for your own happiness. In this situation you are going to have to set boundaries and stick with them. You have to take a step back and really think about the long-term effects on every person involved in the situation. While being away it was about the 7th month. I have been a good mother, daughter, sister, grandmother Always thinking of whats best for everyone in the family but myself. Its easy to say CUT them OFF but its actually very tough to do if they are all you can think about for the moment. I was wondering if he too thinks about me as much as I think about him because he broke it off for the sake of his marriage. What can I or should I do? Its been a year since then. To work with us, you can click here. Yet our relationship lacks the butterflies-in-our-stomach-feelings, you usually have, when you fall in love. It feels like my friend and I connect well spiritually, emotionally, through the way we were brought up, and we have great teamwork. So now back to today, this guy Ive spoken to is giving me attention and I think about all the things my husband has put my through and Im torn because on one side I have my husband who Ive built a life with has messed up on me throughout the years and took me to find out about his mess ups and tried to deny them and then on the other side I feel that I really do have someone who values me, wants to accept my children as his own, he has a daughter that I easily love as my own. Wishing you all the best, You need to check the relationship barometer. I dont think I love my ex boyfriend but I do desire him more than my husband, I was once in love with him and I thought he was the love of my life. Pls help me on hoe best to hanle this situation, thanks so much. Im together with my husband for 9 years and we are married for 1 year. No one deserves to be treated like a doormat. He didnt push me or force me into anything and it felt so Surreal that I questioned everything. He spends more time on his phone and computer than with us. So nobody will understand.. and Im thinking Im crazy and its all on me. Going through the same dilemma . Especially things he has asked for, but even things he hasn't asked for. When to get a divorce: An experts answer! There have been fights and tensions, and it becomes easy for someone to let go of the love that used to exist. I dont let him touch me. There can be many reasons why a married man would want to sleep with you. Last week, she decided to leave me, only to already regret it after one night we spent in separate bedrooms and ask for a little more time And even when she was alive, she knew how much ive wanted to end my marriage because i have tried saving it not just once, but many times. But everytime i think of losing him, my heart is heavy and i feel like my world will crumble. I am married but in love with my co-worker/Best Friend. It seemed timing was always off but I always had the what if idea in the back of my head. Many times, when there is a disconnect between the two people in a marriage, one of them will seek comfort and validation from another person. Help! My spouse is still abusive emotionally and mentally. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. What does the aftermath of choosing one of these two people look like? I dont have much confidence. Have you grown distant, or arent paying her enough attention, and is this is why she wants to seek out another individual? I have known that my marriage was struggling for quite some time now (at least 2 years). JavaScript is disabled. It hurts me to hear that come out of their mouth. I have been married for 39 years. I think I let this other relationship evolve in the beginning just to discover what I want and if I could have it. He threatened suicide so that I would just give him what he wants. But here's my issue. (It lasted about 3-4 months) Out of fear of what the future would hold, I decided to stay and work on my marriage because its my comfort zone even if it meant the drama. If you can make people feel important in a genuine way, then you can really reinforce the bond between you. Speak to each other about the good things, reinforce them, make exciting plans and commit to exciting adventures. Your coach when you are in love with someone who is not your spouse. How to make your boyfriend miss you: The EASIEST way! Its normal to have disagreements, it really is. I have also worked with people who made a choice only to regret it bitterly a few years down the line. However, were Christians and so it feels like we have to try. Long story short, I got the job, but dedided not to take the job because I didnt want to put myself in a position to feel this way about another man. Eventually the kids will catch up. But my problem is I cant let go of this guy. It was mostly based on our child in the beginning, and grew over time. I had a co-worker leave and I took over more territory at my job and I walked around the corner and their she was. When i met my husband, i cut off all contact with my Ex. My husband and I were in the backyard, lazing in the sun, sipping drinks as he told me about what he got up to the night before. He is supposed to make his final decision on Sat and Im terrified he will make the wrong choice and loose everything. I know my husband is not ok with this because he found the text messages. I have been patiently waiting for my husband while he has had this relationship for 3 months but im at my end. Something about my kids and being a full time father I havent been able to make a decision. We have 6 kids together and they have expressed that they want their dad as well; however, the older ones express anger about his choices even though they want him home. When you think about the person that you have fallen in love with, who also happens to not be your spouse, you might be feeling like youve never experienced love like this before, youve never been loved like this before, and no one will ever understand you as well as this person does. This probably comes as no surprise but if youre serious about restoring and repairing your relationship with your husband or your wife, youve got to cut things off with the other man or woman. I have even offered marriage counseling and he thinks its a waste. We dont argue, we dont dislike one another, but I am not getting what I need from him. In many cases, people have already checked out of their marriages and if this is you, it is very important that you recognize this. I know how easy it is to feel helpless or stuck, but there are solutions. The only person holding me back to stay in this marriage passed away 2 yrs ago (my mom). Give yourselves at least one date night each month where you have no distractions and can really just enjoy spending time together. I have been happily married for 21 years. I have 3 daughters with my husband. Which is NOT fair, because he is a very nice person and not even aware or everything that is going on in my mind. Hi Shauna, the issue is that your husband is taking you for granted, and the more hes allowed to get away with, the more he will continue to do so. In it, you will find many indicators and signs that will help you determine whether or not its time to leave this marriage.